so, i'm racing tomorrow.
with all of the pre-race jitters and preparation and hoping and analyzing and over-thinking and everything else, there is ample time to do a whole lot of one completely unnecessary thing: self-awareness. for example, i am currently sitting on what may or may not be the significant beginnings of my ultimate undoing, an unholy saddle sore. usually, i don't really get them much. usually, if i did get one, i'd generally shower and ignore it and it would be gone. usually, that would only happen after i noticed it. usually, i wouldn't.
now, i've entered into this state of hyper-awareness of my body, and my habits, and i'm beginning to act like even more of a weirdo, as i overanalyze all of the nit-picky little things that make up my weirdo routine just so that i don't interrupt them the night before this all important "bike race". do i eat cereal before bed? drink tea? definitely won't shave my legs..but they're soooo itchy after the inaugural shave of two days ago... what should i eat for dinner? should i drink some hydration drink? maybe i should have some wine to make sure that i sleep well. maybe i'll have weird dreams like the last time i had some wine and...SHUT UP.
this morning, while on the first ride i've been on in exactly a week, i was contemplating all this pre-race crap and i figured out something that made me at peace with the entire silly endeavor. although i hold myself and my colleagues to some vague notion of unconditionally striving for one's absolute best, i realized that tomorrow is but one race, in april, half on gravel and half on the road, i've barely trained for it, i live in a freezing winter place of the world, i have no experience with road racing, and basically: it's my first time. no expectations. none. just want to finish, without any mechanicals or major crashes, and come out having tried my best and probably learned something. i know. sounds like a cop-out, or a beleaguered dad giving his loser son a pre-race pep talk. no worries. it's true. i want to try hard. i want to learn something. and maybe after this race, i can get into a little more fast-paced training and kick mullin's ass on our next hill ride...
that's all. just pre-race jitters. i look forward to it. never raced a road bike before, not in a road race anyway. now it's time to see what all the fuss is about. i'll keep you posted.