some times, things need to be blown to bits.
it's helpful when preconceived notions, prejudices, and other habits are obliterated by small instances of challenge or change or both, and the resulting mayhem calls to question the very purpose that allowed us to accumulate such routine. today, i'm going to look at a new job in a new place and put my best foot forward and stretch beyond my wildest dreams, and probably beyond my capabilities. the fuse was lit last week, and i'm putting another barrel of bang in the pile, to see how far we can go.
as i was washing dishes and serving up another bowl of chunky oatmeal to the beasts this morning, i was trying to figure out what i want, why i want, and why i never go and get what i want. in all honesty, i think i'm afraid of what i want. i'm also afraid that i might not be able to get what i want. i think i'm more afraid that i am able. imagine being able to do and be and have whatever you want. why, then you'd have to know what you want. thankfully, i don't. getting blown to bits should help. as i sift through the rubble and reorganize within the new perspective, i'll figure some things out, forget about other obsessions, and streamline (hopefully) the new focus.
adding barrels as we speak.